At some point I will have to find actual titles for posts again but not yet. I am still in recovery mode, after all.

Last time in the day clinic (We are now going once a week. Another step forward!) I overheard a nurse using a German phrase “die sind einander nicht grün” (something like “there is no love lost between them”) about downstairs, where the ward is. So when she looked less busy, I grabbed her and asked if she was talking about the ward – she was not actually, but she understood when I said my ears pricked up when I overheard her earlier. She was really lovely about me still feeling the need to talk about it too. It’s a shame when such an already bad situation should be made worse by a difficult social situation.

That simple experience of feeling seen took a bit more weight off my shoulders.

A week before, I managed to have a long chat with a person and not talk about this at all! It is still on my mind but now mostly from a rational perspective. (I can try.) This week, when I was off to the sauna (because I am finally using the gym outside my place. Another bit of progress) I grabbed a book off the shelf. “Succeeding with Agile” by Mike Cohn. I do have mostly fiction books but I’ve learned that the deep relaxation between sauna sessions lends itself to reading things you normally wouldn’t.

So I opened the chapter on Overcoming Resistance, because of course I did. Page 97, the start of Part II, “Individuals”.

And I read about the types of people in an organisation. 25% Conservers, 50% Pragmatists and 25% Originators. I resisted this view when I heard it for the first time because it seemed simplistic. Now I am more tolerant of it – every consultant needs to simplify in order to do any kind of job (change management projects fail too, but that’s life.)

From my current point of view, things in German healthcare are even more simplistic. We have 100% conservers, because that is how people are trained. The system is just like that. Yes, we all have problems, but we like that only the toughest stick it out. We made it, didn’t we? Every thought of changing it will be trained out of you. And of course me with my very pronounced “originator” personality comes in there, spends days, weeks, months, and I get to feel that. And of course that, whatever that was, was personal – nobody could fault my work.

I prefer this narrative to the immune system one. That one made me seem like some kind of change agent, which sounds like a huge warning sign to a psychologist. Saviour complex when you’re not in any position to bring about change sounds like the road to madness.

The immune system one is still relevant in the context of all the many innovators in the current innovation drive expecting change without actually doing anything to bring it about, but I’m taking that personal bit out of the pitch.