Inspired by Screw Finding Your Passion
People are just as stupid about emotional intimacy as we are about work. And everyone talks about work, but we don’t really talk about intimacy, do we?
It’s not enough that we are theoretically able to be together but aren’t. We also know we are mostly too lonely and that that’s not good for us. We might be surrounded by good friends but still there isn’t ‘The One’. And so everyone muddles through, another year alone, whatever, I’m fine. Except we’re not.
Here’s where I think the problem lies.
The big step is between feeling ‘love’ (that we can feel for many) to ‘in love’ (romantic love, the thing that is so loaded with expectations that we rather run from it).
We are scared of that step (I mean who wants to lose control, really?) and build up defences, and the more intelligent a person is, the better those defences.
What makes a fool of us is that the behaviours used to get through those defences have nothing to do with the identity of the person or their qualities or depth. They are the most easily learned and the most ridiculously superficial. A lot of it is messing with the other person’s head. And because there’s no substance to it, it all goes to pot when the infatuation clears.
The next idiot thing: People who have healthy self-respect don’t learn those behaviours or employ ridiculous tactics (because we don’t feel we should need to), and that’s why two intelligent people with healthy self-respect hardly ever get together.
That’s how everyone is so fucked up, that’s how wonderful people are still sifting through idiot profiles on dating sites, rather than being with fellow wonderful people.
I’m not advocating just using your intelligence to decide who to partner up with. I think connecting the various things that drive you sounds like the better idea. Your intelligence, your experience, your heart, and your libido. None of these things are bad – we need to get those centuries of cultural conditioning out of our system eventually. You are a human being, these things all belong to you.
Come on, let’s get some emotional maturity and be together like grown up people.