Response to the comments to my response to Gia’s post

Since I’ve now had some comments from the community my young person is actually involved in, I understand the problem a little bit better. And it can be summed up thus:

The members of this community are very happy to support my young person in seeing me as the enemy. The young person is still only fifteen so cannot take care of themselves. The members of this community are also very happy to blame me for not getting the young person the right sort of help. The young person now sees me as the enemy, so won’t accept any person or professional I attempt to connect them to.

Meanwhile there is still daily life to deal with and the young person is deteriorating, physically, mentally, emotionally, when they could be thriving. 

Are the friends on the internet ever going to tell the young person that there are limits, that they have to start getting out of bed if they want anything positive to happen? Of course they aren’t. That enviable position, as well as paying the rent, cooking the meals, cleaning and everything else to be taken care of, falls to me, the parent. Who is a monster for believing the young person could actually do a little bit more than they are. Whatever I say is so easily construed as being transphobic, and that is then harmful to the young person’s identity, so of course, I get it. Remember I was in a cult myself. 

I have not written about this for all this time because there was a danger that the young person would find it. Well the young person has found it and has come into my bedroom and beaten me in the middle of the night. Are the friends on the internet going to help with that, or tell the young person to get a hold of themselves? The fuck they are. 

I also am not someone to write a pitiful post just to get people to feel bad for me. I have dealt with the situation as well as I could – it wasn’t easy even before the young person decided that they wouldn’t engage with the world again until the world saw them the way they wanted to be seen, this April. We’ve had a dad diagnosed with cancer, a late diagnosis of Aspergers, school problems that resulted in deregistration, and all sorts of fun things. Not many people around me know the details of what has been going on, even my family doesn’t know. I had succeeded in building a business before all this kicked off and there is nothing left of that, yet I keep picking myself up to try again. So yes, please continue to demonise me.

I certainly have not changed my opinion of the nice internet trans* activists. 

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4 responses to “Response to the comments to my response to Gia’s post

  1. Maybe what your “young person” (who I’m sure has a name by the way, even “my child” would be better than young person. that sounds so impersonal it already is setting me up to think you are so very detached from your child) needs is not a parade of biased doctors and unjust and hurtful opinions shoved down their throat, but a person who can love and support them in their obvious time of need. Whether you agree with their life choice or not, you are their mother first, and instead of fighting who they are you should love them in spite of it. I’m sure you love your child, I won’t question that, but fighting them thick and thin on their identity is honestly a lot more harmful to them than you are obviously willing to understand.
    Also there seems to be something you are talking about that is very important but keeps being brushed to the wayside. You child has depression. Not just any old depression either. MDD (Major Depression Disorder) This means they literally do not have the energy to do most daily tasks and are basically constantly running on empty. Even getting out of bed is physically exhausting, and mixing this with their other issues is a huge recipe for disaster. It also puts them at highest risk for suicide and suicidal tendencies. You keep saying that they aren’t leaving the house or doing this and that, but have you ever stopped to consider that maybe, just maybe, you berating them and beating them down mentally and emotionally as you are is the exact opposite of what they need right now? It’s time to put your pride aside, save the gender talk for another day, and go hug your child. Remind them you love them, not matter who they choose to be. Listen to them, listen to what they are desperately trying to tell you, and accept their feelings. Acknowledge that they HAVE those feelings, and cast aside your own for the sake of them, even if just for awhile. You are a mother above everything else, and while I acknowledge your fear for your child, I can’t let go of the fact that you are completely ignoring your child’s needs, as is apparent in your confrontation with them. Acceptance will always win over judgment. If you take nothing else from this lengthy message, please remember that.

    • It’s always nice when people on the internet feel indignation over something they have no idea about. Have you ever spoken to a trans* person? The name they were given is the first thing to go. I haven’t been told a new name and I am treading carefully and being considerate in not using the old name. I also am not using any pronoun because I said to the young person (there we are, more indignation) that I will wait for them to tell me when they are ready. Everything else you’ve been saying – yes, I agree with the depression. BUT imagine if I said ‘I think you have to deal with the depression first’ when the young person (who is 15, so not a child) is sure that they are depressed BECAUSE of the gender dysphoria. I am becoming even more of a monster if I think it is the other way around. My ‘pride’ is based on the fact that I have been doing everything to enable my young person to get to grips with what’s happening in their own time, and they have thanked me by painting me as the evil party in this equation, supported by their online ‘friends’, so I finally feel that I need to do something about this. Really, I do invite you to walk a mile in my shoes before judging me.

  2. I love how you are just supposed to jump right in with every hairbrained idea a minor comes up with, especially when it involves a cultish group of autogynaphila fetishists. I wonder if the fetish cultists would be so quick to support it if your child were saying, “Ooh, I met a bunch of heroin addicts on Twitter. They’re cool folks. Mum, you must buy me a 10 count box of rigs and 100 quid worth of gear.” Or if the child had just fallen in a with a group of end of the world gun nuts, “Mom, we must be protected. You will illegally buy me a black market weapon and lots and lots of ammo.”

    Other than the kid having found a place that will tell them that if they forever alter their body, they’ll then be happy- there is no proof at all whatsoever this minor is “trans”. This minor needs counseling and mental health services, but other than Anke and the non-cultist commenters- no one seems to see that. Let me rephrase that. A child is wanted to so indulge in their fantasy of being another sex, which is determined chromosonally mind you, that they want to forever change their body at a whim, and a bunch of lunatic cultists are saying, “Yeah ! GO FOR IT ! ” Cause mum is being so bloody mean that she doesn’t want her XY minor child to cut off their bits and screw up their mental health even worse.

    Bloody hell !

  3. Wait, so “beaten up” was literal?

    In this case. Ignore everything else, get social services involved. If things have escalated to physical violence it’s too late for picking therapists. She is either very wrong or else not in control of her facilities, no one can tell that over the Internet. In either case she does not belong in this situation and nor do you. Urgent intervention is in order.

    Let me make it very clear from a pro-trans viewpoint. There is NO justification for physical violence – unless you physically restrained her from leaving the home, which does not seem to be the case. Even if your actions were to amount to emotional abuse, that would only justify her leaving the home – there are shelters, there are volunteers, there are friends. Or else she could have called child protection services, there is that option too. SHE HAD NO CAUSE AND NO STANDING IN USING PHYSICAL VIOLENCE – and that from someone fully recognizing her identity.

    If any friends on the Internet actually ARE inciting physical violence. report them to the police, there is recent UK precedent of prosecution for such incitement.

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