Hare Krishna Satire: The National Enquirer Hare Krishna Edition

Washington D.C.
August 8, 2002

The following is a NEHKE exclusive transcript of an Oval Office conversation between President Bush and Annoutami Dasi.

Secret Service Agent: Mr. President, the Hare Krishna people are here to see you.

GWB: What are Al Qaeda doing in the building’ What’s going on’

Secret Service Agent: They are not terrorists. They are from that religious organization. You know – the people that collect money in airports.

GWB: Oh. Yeah right. I mean, of course I know that. I’m just trying to keep you guys on your toes. Can never be to careful you know. [Chuckles] All right send them in, but stay close in case they try anything.

Annoutami Dasi and her male secretary enter and fall at Mr. Bush’s feet as he extends his hand.

Annoutami Dasi and secretary in unison: nama om vishnu padaya

GWB: Hey you can’t do that in here, this is the Oval Office, for God’s sake.

Secret Service Agent: It’s ok, Mr. President. It’s their standard protocol when dealing with government representatives.

Annoutami Dasi’s secretary holds out a bag of pretzels.

AD: This is holy food from our temple, Mr. President. Please accept it as our gift.

GWB: I like pretzels. Thank you. Would you like a cigar with the presidential seal on it’

AD: Yes, please.

Mr. Bush hands each of them one. AD’s secretary starts to light his and AD knocks it out of his hand.

AD: You fool! That has not been offered yet!

AD takes out a little picture of her guru, proceeds to light her cigar and offer it to the picture. Everyone takes a seat.

GWB: So, what brings you to the White House today?

AD: We have this problem with our permit for our annual San Francisco cart festival.

GWB: I like golf carts. I ride in them all of the time.

AD: So does my spiritual master.

GWB: Great minds think alike. What’s his handicap?

AD: Seven.

GWB: Impressive. So how can I help with your problem?

AD: They let us have the permit for the tank for our Deities to ride upon, but they have turned down our application for the caravan of Humvees for our leaders to ride in. This is not acceptable. It creates a security problem for us.

GWB: I know all about security problems. Did they give you a reason for denying your application?

AD: They said that we could not have the vehicles in the parade because of the automatic weapons mounted on the roof.

GWB: What do you need such heavy fire power for?

AD: We never know when our leaders might be fired upon. Plus, there might be Al Qaeda agents out to assassinate them, on account of our Hindu roots.

GWB: So in other words, you’re saying that Bin Laden or one of his top men might be at the parade and you might be able to take him out for us?

AD: That’s exactly what I’m saying, Srila, I mean Mr. President.

GWB: That’s enough for me. I’ll have your permit for you by the end of the week.

AD: Thank you so much, Mr. President.

GWB: Anything for my voters.

I had a hard time figuring out which one of the posts to steal. They are all very good, and the ones from Jan 2009 especially juicy.


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